Why
by Niabi
Summary: Kakashi asks Rin a question, and three years later she gives him an answer. It just takes longer for him to accept it. The reasons why they're shinobi.


A/N: Okay, not much to say except that while I didn't specifically intend for this to be a Kaka/Rin pairing, it turned out in a way that you could see it as one if you prefer. Totally up to you.

* * *

**Why**

_Why?_

Kakashi once asked Rin that question, shortly after Obito's death.

_Why do we become shinobi? We bleed, we fight, we die, over and over. Our duty is to the village, but _why_? What are we fighting for? What's the point?_

She hadn't known what to say when he'd asked her, still struggling with her own grief at the loss of their comrade. All she could do was stay with him as he stood in front of the memorial stone, staring at the newly-carved name of their teammate, and slip her hand into his.

* * *

Three years later, as the two war-scarred shinobi sat on the roof of a tall building overlooking the market district, watching the sunset and enjoying the glow and warmth it provided before it sank too far below the tree line, Rin suddenly broke the silence that had settled around them by saying, "I know why."

Kakashi turned his head to look at her, curious as to what she was referring to. They didn't get to spend much time together anymore, since he had joined the ANBU and she had started working at the hospital when there wasn't a pressing need for a medic on any missions. They still got together when they could, on the rare occasions Kakashi was in Konoha and not hospitalized and Rin wasn't busy at her own job, but they didn't talk much on these outings, instead preferring to relax in companionable silence, each with their own thoughts.

So he listened as she continued softly, almost as if she didn't remember he was there: "I know why we give up our lives, our souls to become shinobi. We do it for them." She gestured to the people walking below them on the streets, meeting up with friends, on their way home from shopping, or going out to eat to celebrate a child's birthday. Kakashi glanced at them, then shifted his focus back to his last remaining teammate. "We're shinobi so that they'll never have to know what it's like to kill someone to keep him from killing them. We do it so they'll never have to watch their closest friends and family members murdered right in front of their eyes. We follow whatever orders we're given, no matter how hard, so they'll never have to fear an attack on their homes in the middle of the night. We bleed, and fight, and die, all so they won't have to.

"It doesn't even matter if they never thank us," she went on, eyes still following the oblivious people below. "It's probably better if they don't. That way they won't know what we suffer, and they'll stay innocent.

"But that innocence is worth protecting." She looked Kakashi in the face now. "It's why we're willing to risk our lives on every mission. That's what serving the village means." She finished her speech and leaned back with her palms supporting her, gaze going back to the rapidly fading sunset.

Kakashi watched her a moment longer, mildly surprised by what she'd said, then mimicked her position and let the silence resettle. He hadn't expected her to admit such things; generally she refused to acknowledge anything unpleasant. But he was not surprised that she thought them. They'd fought, and survived, on the front lines of war. He understood why she would want to shield those that hadn't been through the sorts of things they had; she was a healer. Her soul may have been damaged, but her heart was still pure. Kakashi himself, though, simply couldn't put much stock in the idea of caring about strangers.

As the last light of the sun melted away, he inwardly admitted that he'd figured out his reason for fighting long ago: it was not to protect nameless civilians he didn't know, but to keep safe the last person who meant anything to him.

* * *

A few years later Kakashi stood in front of the memorial stone, gray eye fixed on the latest name carved there. He'd broken his promise to Obito: he hadn't protected Rin. But it wasn't just the lie he'd told his best friend that hurt, it was the loss of the only girl he'd ever cared about. Rin had become his only confidant after the Kyuubi had stolen their sensei from them, and he'd considered her someone precious.

And he hadn't been there for her.

She'd left on one of her unusual missions outside of Konoha's walls, and he han't gone with her. He should have followed her team, made sure she was safe, but he was ANBU, and he'd been needed on a different mission. When he got back, she was already dead.

He attended her funeral service, but only because he was afraid she'd be upset with him if he missed it. He stood as far away from her parents as he could.

That had been yesterday, and he hadn't left the black rock since. The sun was high overhead now, shining brightly, warm rays enveloping him. It seemed the star was paying its own tribute to Rin; she'd always loved sunny days, saying they hid the hurt of the world. How she managed to retain such an idealistic outlook through life Kakashi had never figured out, but it was an undeniable part of who she was.

He'd been wondering what he could possibly offer her to make up for letting her die, and though he knew it wouldn't be nearly enough, resigning from ANBU was the only thing he could think of that she'd appreciate. She'd never been happy with his decision to join, didn't want him throwing his life away, and yet she'd still supported him however she could. Now, late though the gesture was, he'd respect her wish.

But he'd still lost the last person who meant anything to him, and that scared him. He no longer had a reason to go on fighting. Rin was dead. So, in honor of her, he'd do the only thing that would keep him sane: he'd adopt her view of shinobi. If Rin wasn't here to protect the people she wanted to, he'd have to do it for her. He'd fight so others didn't have to.

She'd given him a reason why.

* * *

A/N: Well, that's it. As this is my first story (and I mean first; I've never written much of anything before this) I'd really appreciate any comments you have. Feel free to be as nitpicky as you want, too. I welcome critiques.


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